past or present
by sjsalter
Summary: Hermione is sent back in time with no memory of who she is or why she is there. SBHG LPJP
1. Chapter 1

I remember the day I was taken from my lover, my friend and my soul mate.

It was just the beginning of my hell or so I thought.

I didn't remember much of my life, my childhood was gone, my name was gone.

I didn't even know who I was then but I know who I am now, he can't take that from me.

If you are reading this then you are most properly muggle.

So here's a back story for you, you world, your tiny sad world, it's a lie, there are things out there things that would make your skin crawl that would make you cry for you mother, there is witch's and wizards and magic. I have seen things that would scare you to death, experienced things that are so horrible I can't breathe when I think about them. While many of us are good there are people who work to destroy us and all the good in the world. They support a man, a man who causes' so much fear no one dares to say his name. His name is Voldemort and he is the man who wants not only me but all my friends from this life and from a past life dead.

The day I disappeared was the best day of my life then he came, the man who scares me I dare not say his name. No, little muggle, it's not Voldemort, that man does not scare me. This man scares me because he was a man I knew, a man that I trust more then anything. I was so naive to believe he was different then the others.

But know I sit here in his dungeons writing this, naked and scared.

To know my story we have to forward about seventeen years when I was eighteen.

I had had a fun teenage hood I had grown up with parents who loved me and two friends who loved me and could protect me when necessary and I for them.

I'm not one for sentimental moments; I was the one who relied on her books who replied on facts to live. I was called the brightest witch of my age but I didn't know anything else but knowledge so when I stood at the front of the battle field I didn't know that that day my plain life was going to change. My appearance had not changed much in six years, sure I was taller, had straighter teeth but that was all, my unruly hair was still crazy and my body had not blossomed like others. I felt like an equal though when I stood there next to my best friends, we wore black robes. As I stared at the man at my right I remembered him when I met him, he had been short, with fiery hair and dirt on his nose. Ronald Wealsey had grown into his lanky childish body and had become a handsome man. He now stood a good foot taller then me, his hair no longer short was covering his eyes and when he caught me staring he flicked his hair out of eyes and gave me a reassuring smile. I turned to my left and there stood the hero of the whole world. He was as tall as Ron and his black unruly hair was longer having gone almost a year without a hair cut. He had become as well a very handsome man. His eyes stared at me and reflected my own courage. From the very day Harry Potter was born he was destined to be some thing extraordinary. He was destined to save us all and as we stood there staring at Voldemort's army we knew that his destiny and ours was about to be filled.

Looking past Harry and Ron I see the friends we made in the past six years, Ginny, Neville, Fred and George, the teachers of Hogwarts and the Order. We stood there an army of barely a hundred ready to fight an army of thousands. Many of us were barely of age and unexperienced in warfare. Many of us stood there preparing for death, I was prepared for death but not what happened during that fight. I could die for Harry and for the good of all. We all could.

The other side let off a red spark into the sky, it had begun.

Harry lifted his wand, his eyes glinting with adrenaline and courage. He turned to Ron and me, his lips forming a small smile, "I love you." He whispered and took my hand, with my wand in my hand I grabbed Ron's hand, I smiled at them both, "See ya' on the other side." Ron just nodded, with that we marched forward our wards held at our side. We marched to our death.

The moment we moved spells went off. I am a calm person normally but the moment the spells went off I began to fight furiously.

I don't remember how many I killed; the war was a blur to me.

I was standing on the edge of the lake on the edge of the battle, my wand silencing another deatheater, I did not remove his mask I did not dare see the face of the man I had killed. The unveiling of the dead would happen at the end of the war.

While the war was loud barley anyone spoke more then spells, this was not time for personal feuds this was our job and destiny, so I was surprised when I heard clapping coming from behind me, twirling around my wand at the ready I did not expect to see an unmasked deatheater, and I did not expect to recognise him. Peter Pettigrew.

"How did you escape?" He asked causally as though we were not in the middle of a fight.

"You!" I did not react to his question I just knew that I had to fight him, for Harry's parents, for Sirius Black and for Remus Lupin. I sent a curse to him sending him back into the water of the lake. I walked up to him and jabbed my wand under his throat.

"Avada-" I was cut off from the killing curse by Pettigrew grabbing my wand and kicking my stomach pushing me down into the water, my head hit the rocky floor of the lake and my vision started to blur and as my mind went blank, Peter Pettigrew stood above me and whispered an unknown spell and a purple light hit my chest.

I trying to lift my head but before I could I fell into the darkness of my mind.


	2. Chapter 2

A.N HI, okay so this is chapter two and its longer then chapter one =D which is a big feat for me however I don't like this one as much. The marauders do not come it yet, I am hoping to have at least Remus come in next chapter. For the first bit of each chapter for now on is going to have a bit of Harry and Ron so that you know what's going on back in that time because its important to the plot.

Dedicated to the awesome Rupert Grint who unfortunately has swine flu at the moment so its sad for us Ron fans. Get better soon.

Oh and nothings mine if it was I wouldn't be slaving away at High school I would be paying people to do it for me.

Harry cast another spell at an unknown deatheater, his back to the lake. The deatheater fell to his knees and with one last look through his dark eyes he fell to the floor. Harry smirked, he was not happy over the deaths he had caused but he knew it was for the good of man kind.

A spell hit him in the shoulder and forced him to fall, turning towards the attacker he saw something out of the corner of his eye, Hermione falling into the lake. The protective brother nature in him kicked him, with a quick spell his attacker was on the ground. He ran pushing his way through duels, dodging spells until he ended up on the edge of lake.

Hermione was gone. Standing were she had been was Peter Pettigrew, a psychotic smile etched on his face, "Hello Harry." He smiled as he spoke as though they were friends in a pub not enemies during a war.

"Where is she?" He snarled his wand held high in Pettigrew's direction. Fear flashed momentarily in Peter's eyes, his smile faulted for just a second. Harry found pleasure in this.

"WHERE IS SHE?" he yelled advancing on Peter. Jumping back Peter replied, "Death, alive. I don't know what he did to her." Harry stared at the man his parents had trusted with their lives, what was he talking about? Who was the he, he had mentioned?

"I'll let you contemplate that little Potter, but if I dare help you I would get your troops to retreat. The Dark Lord will not come today." With that Peter disapparated from the water and Harry was left confused.

_____________________________________________________________________

I do not know completely what happened to me after Pettigrew's spell had hit me. Everything I am about to tell you is not first hand experience it is what I have been told by professor Dumbledore and madam Pomfrey.

The spell Pettigrew had cast on me had sent me into a deep sleep. I had been found after a great storm by Albus Dumbledore the headmaster of the school I had been found on. The water swept my broken body onto the shore, my head had a large gash and my left leg had been tore apart. After being found by Dumbledore he had rushed me to the hospital wing of Hogwarts, a magical school for young witch's and wizards. Madam Pomfrey, the school medi-witch or nurse as you muggles might call her, looked after me for about a week till I had awoken. Unfortunately they did not know the extent of my injures until I had woken up. This took about a week after my brain had sent me into a coma so try and repair it self.

I had opened my eyes on the eighth day of my coma. I took in the white walls, the white sheets that covered the silver bed frames and I took in the lady sleeping next to me. She wore all white as well and appeared to blend in with the background. I tried to place the woman in my mind to work out if I knew her or not, but my mind came up blank. My fear stared to rise and I tried to get out of the bed.

The woman woke at the sudden noise. She placed a smile of relief on her face at my awake state.

"How are you my dear?" I found her voice calming so I stopped my struggle to get out of the incredibly tight bed sheets. I stared at her is fear and curiosity. She rose from her seat and placed her cold hand on my forehead, I jerked away from her.

"It's okay dear. I'm Madam Pomfrey, I'm a friend." She spoke slowly to me to make sure that I could understand who she was.

"Mad-am Pom-frey." I sounded out her name, jumping slightly at the sound of my own voice, it was so unfamiliar. It was soft yet scratchy from lack of use.

Madam Pomfrey smiled when I spoke, "Good, good you can speak. What's your name child?"

I smiled at her and opened my mouth to answer then quickly shut it again, searching my brain I could not find a name that I recognised as my own. "I don't know." I uttered softly ashamed at not being able to answer the nice ladies question.

The medi-witch looked away sadly. She turned back to face me a fake smile etched on her face, "I'll go get the Headmaster. He would like to see you." She then walked briskly out of the room through a large oak door.

I was left alone with my thought of lack there of. My poor mind was whirling a mile a minute. I could not find any memories of my past or even how I had ended up in the white shiny room. I how ever could recite all ingredients to a Polyjuice potion and list in order the battles in the goblin rebellion. While I found what was in my mind interesting I grew frustrated and fearful at the fact I had no memories of my self. I could not even remember what I looked like. I looked at my hands, my fingers where thin and long. After spending quite a while staring at my hands I pulled the sheets off the bed to reveal my legs, they were half hidden by the hospital like nightie I wore. I gasped at the sight; my right leg was smooth and thin while my left leg was scarred and pink. It looked horrible and I was so afraid of it.

While I stared at my strange leg the doors reopened and a tall silver bearded man in star pattern robes walked through them, my eyes shifted from my leg to the unknown man.

"Hello, young lady." He smiled at me kindly and I saw a twinkle with in eyes.

"Hello." I whispered back to him.

"Madam Pomfrey tells me you can not remember who you are?" His voice was much like the nurses, kind and sweet.

"Yes, sir." Again I whispered my sentence.

"Do you remember anything about your self?" I shock my head, tears forming in my eyes when I admitted it, "It's alright Miss. Do you know anything about the magical society?"

"A lot, Sir."

With a twinkle in his eye, he rambled on questions I could answer quickly with no hesitation. He paused after I answered the questions although thinking hard how to choose the words of which to speak.

"Miss, in one week this school will be open for its students and I hope that you will join the students in learning and enjoying the school's many activities."

"I don't know, sir. I mean this is all so much to think about." I looked away ashamed.

"Its okay, Miss. You have a week to decide. And if you would like some advice, I would try and keep active with that leg." I looked at him confused; although my leg looked horrible on the outside surely it was fine inside.

"You snapped the tendons in your leg, while Madam Pomfrey was able to repair the injury you will have trouble walking for quite some time."

I looked up at the white ceiling refusing tears to spill, I had no memory of walking and the idea of not being able to walk upset me, I was afraid I would never be able to walk 'normally'.

"I must leave now, would like you to think of a name if you please, my dear." With a nod from me, the un-named man left the room, leaving me dazzled and confused.

The plump medi-witch came to my side holding a walking stick she held it out for me to grab, allowing my weak hands to grab it a forced my injured leg out of bed and attempted to stand. I wobbled on the spot, my body weight shifted to my good leg and the stick.

"I am going to be okay." I whispered to my self.


	3. Chapter 3

"WHERE IS SHE?" Harry yelled at the small group of wizards and witch's. His friend and father figure rose form his seat, his arms supporting his as he rose.

"Harry, calm down." His voice kind but feeble, he too was shaking at the loss of Hermione Granger. Harry stumped against the wall, his face in his hands, the Boy-Who-lived, looked like death walking. "Harry along time ago I met a girl, an amazing girl-." he was cut off as a group of fiery red heads stormed into the room.

"Where the hell is she?" One of the asked, he stood taller then the group bar one.

"Fred calm down!" Remus put a hand of the boys shoulder, shrugging it off Fred stormed over to Harry over shadowing his crouched form.

"You said you would protect her, you swore to me that she would live." His whisper pieced Harry already broken heart.

"You don't think I tried! I loved her!"

"NO, I LOVED HER!" Fred yelled the whole room gasped at this revelation, "No not like that, we were, we were friends." He crumbled to the floor next to Harry.

Remus cleared his throat, "AS I was saying I met a girl, very much like our Hermione."

I leaned against the wall, my hands holding on to the railing that surrounded the shower. I pulled my injured leg up placing it under my body. It still hurt like hell, to move but I needed to shower and had declined Madam Pomfrey's assistance. It had been three days since the Head master had come to see me and I had spent almost every waking hour attempting to walk on my leg.

The hot water scorned my back and through the curtain of hair I saw that the whole room had filled with steam. My mind swam with random thought, I could not remember my name, I could not remember if I had a family or boyfriend. It was so frustrating, throwing a punch against the wall, I slipped on the wet surface of the shower and landed rather shamefully on my bottom.

I opened the door and searched the floor for my walking stick, I felt the cold wood against my fingers pulling it through the door I used it and the rail to get my self back on my feet. With a grunt I was standing it the stream of water leaning on the stick I turned the taps off.

I moved slowly out of the bathroom, a small towel wrapped around me around my body. Entering the hospital wing, were I had made a small room from the curtains that separated the beds. Bending over I picked up a pair of jeans I had discarded when they had been presented to me by Madam Pomfrey along with many other clothes. Staring at the stiff material I eased on the bed. After a lot of grunting and effort the jeans hung form my hips. I smiled at my achievement, for the past days I had been wearing long skirts and dresses, trying to hide my disfigured leg. I through a top over my head with

I heard the doors open, easing off the bed. I limped through the opening of the curtains of my "room" and came face to face with a boy.

HE looked taken back by my appearance, he was taller, taller then me. His hair was cut just above his shoulders, his eyes dropped down and small scares were scattered around his handsome face. His clothes were too large for him and hung off his thin body.

Remus smiled at memory, "First time I met her, she had wet hair, and it hung down her back soaking her brown shirt. She was shorter then me by almost a foot. She clutched a wooden walking stick, leaning on it like it was a third leg. She was the most bizarre thing I had seen. She wore a mask of confidence with small scars etched into her soft skin. I will never forget the pain that showed in those chocolate eyes, it showed the past of her life that her mask tried to hide." He sat down heavily; Tonks knelt down next to him holding his hand is a gesture to tell him to keep going.

"Harry, the girl I met over eighteen years ago is Hermione Granger."

"Hi." The man said trying to hide his shock my presence.

"Umm Hey." I looked awkwardly around the room, looking for someone to come and rescue so I did not have to talk to this strange and unknown man. My prayers were answering in the form of Madam Pomfrey.

Her Heart shaped face broke into a smile as she viewed the stranger and me.

"Good you too have already met. Remus this is the new student, Miss," I recognised her hesitate as she tried to introduce me, the unnamed girl.

"Jennifer French." I answered staring at the book I had left on a spare bed the day before, the author was called Jennifer and it was on France.

Madam Pomfrey smiled, "Yes, Jennifer French. She will be joining us for this year, she will be in your classes this year, and she's quite the brain you know."

He looked from the older woman to me, I felt uncomfortable under his stare.

With a weak smile I turned away for him and limped towards my 'room'.

"Goodbye Miss French." He called after me. My head pun at the sound of his voice, turning quickly on my good leg and my stick I turned to him, "I know you?"

"No. WE just met. My names Remus Lupin." He walked up to me and bent down to star in my eyes. "Are you okay?"

Shaking my head I looked him in the eyes, "Yeah just your voice sounded familiar.

I have a shocking memory you see." I tried to wave away my memory problem.

He just smiled and put his small duffel bag on the bed next to mine. HE smiled at me then turned to the bag and pulled out a book. I quietly dismissed my self and left the room. Why did I trust this unknown man more then I trusted Madam Pomfrey or even Professor Dumbledore?

A/N okay short chapter the reason for this is I am trying to understand Australia history for class and let me tell you its so bore. This would have been up last night but I went and saw the new hp movie and OMG it was amazing me and my friends dressed up. I went as Tonks.

Also just to clarify this will be a Sirius Hermione/Jennifer story not a Remus Hermione/Jennifer.


	4. Chapter 4

"She never questioned why I was at school before all the other students or why I was never in the hospital wing during the night. She held her secrets and I held mine. But during the day we would walk slowly at first, she had gotten use to walking with a stick."

The tip of my left foot dragged over the wet grass as I walked around the lake. Remus walked next to me, he slowed his pace so that I could keep up. WE talked about nothing, we evaded the topic of my life before coming to Hogwarts and how I hurt my leg. We talked about music, fashion and subjects he had taken. Remus had been amazed at my knowledge of transfiguration and potions and at my complete lack of knowledge of other things like popular pop culture. He spent long hours explaining to me the music of the 70's and the fashion.

Dumbledore had allowed him and me to go to Hogsmead to buy me clothes and school supplies. Luckily my wand had been found in my hand after the storm. Trying to find clothes that would cover my leg was hard but I had found a lot of long skirts and old fashioned tops that covered all my scars. Remus bought me a large circular necklace with a blue stone in it, I wore it every day since. IT was nice to know I had a friend

A figure walked towards us she wore dark green robes and her dark hair tied into a tight bun. Remus nodded to her in respect and said, "Good morning professor." She smiled at him and me. She looked at Remus when she spoke, "Mr Lupin, The headmaster would like to know if you and Ms French would like to met the other students on the train and travel back here with them?" Remus looked at me and I looked at my leg, I knew this day was going to come but I hadn't thought it would be so soon I had just become comfortable talking to Remus I didn't want to start that all over again with other people and I feared what people would say about my leg, as if reading my mind Remus put a hand on my shoulder and whispered in my eye, "No one will care." I looked up at his eyes trusting him like I had never trusted anyone else (that I knew of).

"Okay." I whispered to the professor.

-___-____-____-_____-_____-_____-_____-_____-_____-_____-_____-_____-____

Two hours later I found myself sitting across from Remus in a creamy green train compartment looking out at a sea of swarming students saying their teary farewells to parents. AS I saw a mother hug her young son tightly tears falling openly from her face as the boy blushed I wondered if I had that, if I had a loving parent who cared enough to hug me and cry about me leaving. Since I had come to Hogwarts I had tried to put the idea of a family at the back of my head thinking that if I had someone they would come as soon as possible that I would not be stuck at the school for much longer but as each day had passed as a new teacher arrived at the school and their looks of pity that they showed to me my hope vanished I soon became aware that I had no one looking for me.

The blushing son was on the train now and his poor tearful mother was waving, being pushed further and further away from her son, I felt tears fall from my eyes as I stared at this unknown woman.

I was bolted from my daze by the compartment door opening revealing two young men, the first stood about 5'7, he had jet black hair that stuck out in every direction and I had the sudden urge to pat it down, he wore a lopsided grin and his brown eyes glistened with youth. He wore a black jacket with a simple white shirt under and black jeans. He smiled at me and nodded before sitting next to Remus giving him a nod and stole the book Remus had been previously reading.

The other young man looked at me then at Remus, he stood taller then the other one at about 6'8. He also had jet black hair but his hung in light curls to his shoulders. His dark eyes were dull and expressed no emotion. He wore a black leather duster with a red top underneath with tight black pants and converse shoes. To me he looked like a tortured rock star. This was my first view at the arrogant snob that was Sirius Black.

"Your in my seat." His voice was cold yet in a way almost emotionless.

"Oh sorry." I rock back in my seat creating momentum to rise to my feet while clutching my walking stick to help with balance. Remus held out his hand to help, he said nothing at his friends cold remark he just shook his head. Just as I got my balance the train rocked into motion and I fell backwards on to the window both Remus and the other boy reached out and caught me. Thank god or else I would of fallen on my butt in front of Sirius black.

"You okay?" the boy asked as I sat down next to Remus and he sat next to me, Sirius just stared out the window.

"Yeah I'm fine, Jen French by the way." I said holding out my hand.

Taking it he smiled, "James Potter and don't take any notice of Sirius over there he's been like that all summer." He threw Remus a knowing look and I wondered what was going on between these three friends.

"So, where you from Jen?" James leant back into the chair hanging an arm over the back.

"Every where really, Mum and Dad travelled a lot." I had decided about my background on my first day of meeting Remus, realizing that a lot of people don't have unknown backgrounds.

"Seriously? Why didn't you just come here and let them travel?"

"Didn't want to. I wanted to see the world and I have so now I'm here finishing my studies."

"Well Miss French, you are going to learn a lot this year as long as you hang with us." My eyes flickered over to the grump Sirius; I don't think he would like me hanging around very much.

The compartment door opened again and a young red haired woman was revealed, she was about 5'2 and had long red hair that sort of shone around her and large green eyes that shone with the same kind of youth that mirrored James'. She wore her standard black robes with a shiny little badge on the left breast.

"James, where have you- oh hello." She smiled at me. James held out a hand and she took it gracefully, she sat on his knee looking at me, still smiling.

"Hi." I said awkwardly back.

"I'm Lily Evens, Head girl." She said the last part so proudly and James laughed loudly at her, "Lils you don't have to tell everyone that your head girl they can see the badge." She hit him playfully on the shoulder, Sirius let out a sigh.

"Oh Hey Sirius how are you?" she smiled sweetly at him; I liked this Lily Evens she seemed nice and kind, too nice to be talking to Sirius like they were friends.

Sirius grunted a reply.

Turning her attention back to me she asked who I was and I repeated my story of why I was here. After doing small talk for a while Lily announced, "I need the ladies room, come on Jen." She grabbed my hand and pulled me up I quickly grabbed my stick and hurried after her.

The last thing I heard was James hissing angrily to Sirius.

A/n okay I'm so sorry about the long wait but I had a kinda bad couple of weeks so please forgive me. Further chapters will be coming but I have my tee exams coming up which is like the biggest thing ever so I'm cramming. Okay and if your wondering why Sirius is such a grump I have decide it's because he has still not forgiven himself for what he did to Remus (the whole werewolf snape drama) and because lets say his uncle (the nice one) had just died. Oh and lily is based loosely off a friend of mine who is so sweet and kind and smart yet can turn into a completely mean when pissed.

Okay oh and disclaimer: not mine

PLEASE REPLY I MIGHT TYPE MORE CHAPTERS FASTER IF I HAVE REVIEWS


	5. Chapter 5

Remus stared out the window his eyes closed, he rested his forehead on the glass. Harry rose from his position on the floor, "What happened to her? Did she come back home?" Turning Remus shook his head, "I'll tell you her story."

I followed Lily through the crowded corridors as quickly as I could; I kept tripping over people's feet and the uneven carpet that had been pulled up by hundreds of teenagers. We finally got to the bathrooms and I offered to wait outside for her, small compartments scared me, made my chest tighten and my fingers shake.

Students mingled around me, their eyes flickering to take me in and then they hurried off.

A tall dark teenager walked up to me, he wore a black turtle neck and beige pants. His short hair was brushed down. _Poser_ was the first word that popped into my head at the sight of him. He tried to catch my eyes but I stared away only to met the eyes of a girl, who appeared my age, she wore a skin tight green dress and her hair hung in every direction, her eyes are what spooked me, dark empty pools, like Sirius's only emptier.

"Hi." The boy said, sticking out his hand for me to shake.

Ignoring it, "Hi." And I turned back to see what was taking Lily so long.

"I'm Tibius, Tibius Nott."

I smiled as was about to reply when Lily came up, "And she is leaving." She said in an almost cruel voice that I stared at her as she pulled me away.

"That's Tibius Nott, he is the heir to the Nott fortune and a right royal dick wad."

"He was kinda cute."

"Don't let the boys hear you say that or they might lock you up even before the sorting!" She winked.

"Possessive aren't they?"

"You bet, you just have to tell them to back off and they are fine."

We walked the rest of the way in silence. When we returned to the compartment, there was a heavy silence over the boys, they all stared at the floor. There was another boy sitting with them, he was short and round with sandy blonde hair that clung to his forehead. HE wore standard black robes that were to short for his frame.

"Oh hi Peter!" Lily said giving the new boy a small smile.

She sat down next to James and I realized the only stop left was next to the arrogant sod, Sirius Black.

"Jen, this is Peter Pettigrew." Remus said introducing me to the boy.

"Hi, Jennifer French, it nice to met you." I leaned over to shake his hand and he took it hesitantly, and a snicker came from Sirius.

"Yes?"

"You don't have to be so formal to him, he's Peter."

"And because he's 'peter' he doesn't deserve my politeness?"

"Yes."

"Are you always an arrogant sod or did I just met you on a good day?" I quipped back to him, the others all wore small smiles of enjoyment, they found this amusing where I was just annoyed my leg was hurting me and I was sick of being stared at.

"Don't think your so lucky sweet heart." He said back, shifting his body to see me better.

"Oh I don't."

"Good, now go away." He said flicking his hand in a dismissal.

"No I was here first." I smirked.

"Actually I've been here since my first year so I was here first."

"Oh my god what are you twelve?"

"Baby as you can see I'm definitely not twelve."

"OH no I would more like five!" Lily jumped up to intervene at this point, she grabbed James' hand, "Don't you and the boys have to get changed into your school robes, Jen and I will get changed in here!" James nodded, understanding what Lily was doing and turned to walk out, Remus and Peter leaving with him, "Come on Sirius, let's get changed." Sirius left picking up in bag muttering a rude word under his breathe to me, I smiled sweetly back to him.

"I'm so sorry about Sirius he's not normally this much of an arse," I gave her a look, "Okay maybe he is but still I'm sorry."

"It's cool, don't worry about it." I pulled a black robe out of my bag and throw it over my shoulders and shrugged it on, I already wore my grey skirt and white shirt.

Lily turned away from me and swapped her shirt, "there has been some stuff going on with Sirius that has made him act off."

"Lily you don't have to make excuses of him I am sure he is old enough to do it himself."

"I know but he my friend and well he's kind of James' brother so you know." she shrugged in reply, she turned back around and flicked her hair out of the collar of her shirt.

"I'll play nice if you want me to.' I said patting the seat, inviting her to sit down next to me.

"We will be at school very soon." Looking out the window before sitting down she said.

"Cool, I think." A knock came from the door and the four boys walked back in all dressed in their school uniform. They all had wore the black robes, grey trousers and white shirt along with red and gold ties.

"Hey guys." James sad sitting down in his spot again, Remus sat down next to him and Lily shifted back next to him. Peter sat to my left and after half a second Sirius sat down on my other side. James, Remus and Lily began a conversation about some Muggle band, Peter sat there eating candy without shutting his mouth and Sirius sat there staring at the wall above Remus' head. Stared at all five of them, they all seemed so at ease with each other (bar Sirius) I wondered if once upon a time I had that, the comfort to sit with a group completely different to myself and at so much ease.

The train came to a sudden stop and Remus looked out the window, "we're here."

Everyone gets up quickly, grabbing their small bags, leaving suitcases on the train.

"Come on Jen, it this way." Lily grabbed James hand and my hand. I tripped my way after her trying to keep on my feet with my walking stick. Remus held my small bag and his and followed laughing at Lily's antics'.

In front of us stood Large carriages being lead by strange skeletal horses, they stood proud with black skin hanging off their bones.

I stopped in front of them, staring.

"What are they?" I whispered. Lily looked around at where I was staring, "What's wrong?" I broke my eye contact with the creatures and stared at her, "can't you see them?"

Sirius came up from behind them, "She won't see them, their Threstles." I stared at him, while searching through my mind, Threstles were creatures that could only be seen is you have seen some one die. Who had I seen die?

Lily shook her head and pulled me into the carriage, the others followed. The ride to Hogwarts was quiet, Lily and James whispered to each other, Remus was showing something to Peter and Sirius sat there staring at me, "What?"

"Who did you see die?"

"I don't know." I whispered back.

He looked at me strange but then turned to look at what Remus was showing Peter.

My head was whirling and my leg was hurting more than normal, I rubbed it and winced as I moved in around, Remus looked up at me in concern, "You okay?" I nodded and kept rubbing it. The carriages came to a stop in front of the front door. Students streamed out, talking and gossiping to each other. Remus held his hand out for me to help me down.

"Ta."

A tall figure came up to us, he wore a bright purple robes and had dark black hair greased back.

"Slughorn, Stay away from him." James muttered in my ear from behind me, before I could probe him for more information, the man came up and placed a hand on my shoulder. I quickly shrugged him off and stared at him point blank, "Yes?"

"Miss French, you need to come with me." He said again trying to place his hand on my shoulder, I moved away edging towards James.

"It's for the sorting, Miss French." He said, giving up on putting a hand on my shoulder and motioned for me to follow.

"It will be fine." Remus whispered in my ear.

I stared at him, _it will be okay_, I kept whispering to myself.

I followed Slughorn up the stairs, I could feel the hundreds of eyes following me. I pushed myself up each step, staring at the stone floor praying to all the gods that I didn't fall over in front of all those people. Slughorn stopped in front of a large door, it was huge, triple my size.

"In here, Walk to the end and go in the door at the back and wait there."

I walked into that room that held five tables, four in the main floor and the fifth at the front of the room. As I limped down the hall I could feel my chest tighten and my hand tightened on my walking stick.

I entered the room off the hall, it was warm and welcoming, there was a overstuffed arm chair, a roaring fire place and a large bookcase.

I flopped on to the arm chair and again rubbed my leg, it hurt when I got stressed or overworked I had working out.

Noise came from the hall, students were entering the room talking loudly. Silent took over after a few minutes with only a mysterious voice breaking the silence.

I had been in that room almost twenty minutes when the door opened at Slughorn's head poked through saying they were ready for me. Taking a large breathe I walked through the door, my heart in my throat. All five tables were filled, students stood up to stare at me. I searched the crowd for Remus, Lily, James and Peter. They stood up clapping as I entered, I smiled at them.

"Please Miss French, take a seat." Dumbledore said showing me to a small stool. I sat down feeling foolish when a hat was placed over my eyes.

"Ah aren't you a mystery?"

"What's going on?"

"You are brave, strong but there is something here something powerful in you. You could be a true slytherin."

"I want to be with Remus."

"Ah a marauder at heart are you, in that case better be..... gryffindor!" the hat yelled out to the entire hall.

The hat was taken off my head and I was gently pushed towards the gryffindor table.

Lily beckoned for me to sit next to her and as I sat down I heard cheering from the table, James and Remus being the loudest. I had friends.

A/N okay I hate this chapter so much but it's done now thank god. I just finished all my mock exams and how have to do the real ones so there might not be an update soon. would like a beta is anyone wants to volunteer.


	6. Chapter 6

"She was a gryffindor, of course." Remus said, holding tightly to Tonk's hand, " She smiled a lot that night, laughing and talking to us, we didn't know she was so alone because she never acted like she was. She was always staring at Sirius even though he was so stand-offish towards her."

* * *

The rest of that night was a blur before I knew it I was standing next to Remus in front of a painting of a larger woman in a rather loud pink dress.

"Password?" She said not staring at Remus and I.

"Dorilocus." he said and as the painting swung open to show a dark corridor, he motioned for me to follow him, I pulled him along with my free hand.

"Wow!" I looked up at the common room, it was much like the room behind the great hall, there was a roaring fire with two golden arm chairs and a red couch in front of it with a coffee table small chairs surrounded tables at the room, there where large windows with seat under them. I shook away the weird sense that I had been here before.

"You like?" He whispered in my ear.

"Yes, my god! we live here?"

"For the term yes and for holidays but I guess you will go home with your family for those." he said and for a moment I looked at him in confusion and tell him I had no family when I remember I had lied to him, he thought I had a family.

"Yeah maybe."

Lily, James, Peter and Sirius came in after us and stopped in our tracks. Lily pulled me away from Remus and pulled me towards the couch in front of the fire.

"Marauders only, the midgets know that." She said laughing as I sat next to her. James sat on her other side while Remus and Sirius took the armchairs peter sat on the floor in front of the fire.

James put him arm around Lily's shoulder and Lily rested her head on his chest. I stared form that to Remus' kind smile to Peter's cubby smile and then to Sirius' smirk.

what was he smirking at? did he know that my life is a lie? my heart pounded in my chest for a moment and then I relaxed because he couldn't know, he just couldn't, it was impossible.

"Hey, you in there? Jen?" lily placed a hand on my shoulder, she had been trying to talk to me during my tiny panic attack.

"Yeah sorry, I'm just tired I guess." The boys nodded and then started talking about a prank.

"Let's get to bed huh?" Lily said once again grabbing my hand and pulling me up off the couch. I waved with my cane filled hand and hobbled quickly up the stairs.

if I had known what that night had held I would of not rushed to my bed, I would of procrastinated longer, talked to Remus and Lily. I would of not rushed to bed.

I pulled my night gown over my head and pulled the bed spread down.

Lily was talking away about my other roommates, Alice Abbott and Gracie Prad.

"They will come in later, Alice is with her boyfriend, Frank, he's nice you will like him and Gracie, well she's probably out with some guy."

"Okay." I muttered only half listening, my eyelids were getting heavy and all I wanted to do was sleep.

"Night, Jen."

"Night." I muttered and allowed the darkness to take over my mind.

_I was running fast, a small mirror clutched in my hand, Fear etched into my mind. My black school shoes made a noise that echoes around the empty corridors, my heart beating in my ears. The corridor I ran in was long and never ending. things popped out just out of sight, giant eyes, coursing my heart to beat more rapidly the mirror slide out of my hand, perspiration covering my hands, it clanked to the floor.I wiped my head around, scanning the empty stone hallway. I swiped up the mirror barley stopping. A tall blonde figure rushed into me, books went spilling, I grabbed her arm, pulling her around a corner._

_"What's going on, miss-" I cut her off. A loud bang came from behind us. She turned to look behind but I pulled her forward, using the mirror in my hand I pushed it between our shoulders, our eyes met in the mirror then they met another eye. it was large, yellow. It froze my body, my heart stopped mid-beat. My body toppled over, the blonde girl followed me her frozen head hitting my shoulder. We were frozen!_

I woke with a gasp, my body caked in sweat. I ripped off the sheets, they were so heavy. Lily slept on, a small smile planted on her lips as she curled herself into a tighter ball. Two other girls laid peacefully in their beds. I slid myself out of the bed, my feet hitting the cold floor.

_What was that? _I asked myself, the dream still playing in my head, the large eye still etched into my brain every time I blinked.

_I need air!_ I pushed myself off the bed. I limped out of the room, I ignored my walking stick.

I expected to find the common room empty, and dark. it wasn't. The fire still roared with life as one lone figure sat dangerously close to it. black hair hung down the crouched back.

"hello?" I whispered, hoping I was not interrupting anything.

The figure jumped up, a look of guilt crossed his familiar face. It was Sirius.

"Oh it's you."

"Yeah um, sorry for interrupting I'll go now" I attempted to limp back however tripped over the corner of the oriental rug. curses tumbled out of my mouth as I braced for impact. I never hit the floor. A strong pair of arms had grabbed my under my arms.

"Thank you." I muttered.

He pulled me up higher allowing me to place my feet on the floor, once he knew I had support he let me go.

'thanks." I breathed, he smelt nice, kind of like sandalwood, peppermint and something else I couldn't then and now put a name to.

"No problem, though you might want to sit down for a bit.'" he gestured towards the couch.

"yeah." _Where had my brain gone! stupid stupid stupid!!_

I moved cautiously towards the couch, slowly lowering myself down to sit on the edge. Sirius sat on the small table in front of the couch.

"Are you going to talk?" HE said, trying to catch my eye.

I looked down at my feet, my pyjama's did not completely cover my scared left but I prayed Black did not notice it.

"French, you in there? Hello?" he waved a hand in my face.

"What?" I spat at him, for the first time tonight catching his eyes.

"are you okay? Why are you up so late?" He said, almost sounding concerned.

"Because I am. What's it to you?" it felt wrong for me to be angry at someone who is trying to be nice but I couldn't help it with Sirius Black, he got on my nerves.

"Fine! whatever I won't be nice!" he said turning on the table.

"Fine." I pulled my good leg up under my chin. the heat form the fire was warming my cold skin and I have to admit I liked the view Black was giving me, he did have quite a nice butt.

We were quiet for a while both staring at the fire.

"I'm sorry, for being a bastard." he muttered, he looked over his shoulder and for the first time I looked at him and saw how tired he looked, black circles under his eyes and his hair hung in chunks around his face.

"umm, okay." I said, not knowing what to say.

"I don't like you, well to tell you the truth I don't like new people." He said turning back to the fire.

"It's okay, Bla-Sirius. I didn't really like you much either." I smiled at his back as his shoulders slumped in what I can only guess was with relief. HE turned again, this time putting his hand on my ruined leg, I flinched slightly but I did not pull away from his touch.

"Truce?"

"Truce."

"okay then, so What's your favourite colour?" I laughed at him and luckily he joined in. This was the start of a beautiful friendship.

A/N new chapter. I know it's late but I've had a busy few weeks so I'm sorry but this story is going to be finished and it is going to pick up from here on out..... I hope.

please review (with or without criticism) remember review keep me going. plus its polite!


	7. Chapter 7

"She never slept more then a couple of hours each night, she had nightmares, of who she uses to be, of everything she had been through with you, Harry."

"She always had those nightmares." Fred said, "That's how we came close, she could never sleep and I was always there, she would tell me about them, she was so afraid about what will happen to you, Harry and Ron. She was not afraid for herself but about you guys."

"She replaced you with Sirius, she told him everything and he listened. Of course they didn't tell us about this, every morning they kept up the facade that they disliked each other, though Lily sensed something is up, she called it woman's intermission."

"Was she right?" Ron asked, speaking up for the first time.

"Of course, she wasn't the smartest witch of her age for nothing."

* * *

Weeks past for me, school was good, uneventful; at time's it felt like I was being watched however when I had turned around there was no body there. I had told Sirius about these worries one night and he had laughed it off calling me silly.

It had been two weeks since that one night that Sirius and I shared together and every night since then we have spent it together talking about nothing in particular, some times I helped him with his homework and he listened to my nightmares.

We never told the others about our meetings, we didn't know how to tell them that we liked each other now so in the day we pretended we hated each other, teasing and insulting each other.

* * *

"Lily, come on!" I yelled up the stairs, my school jumper itching my arms. Lily was running late, AGAIN! For the smartest witch in the year she was always running late and being disorganized.

I pulled the jumper off, the collar being caught in my curls.

"Bugger! Bloody Bugger! Stupid jumper!" I tugged on the jumper to no anvil.

"Stupid rudding thing! I would rather freeze!"

"Ah baby you will not freeze if I'm with you." a cocky voice said from behind me. I jumped at the noise.

"What?" I pulled the jumper back down, my curls being tussled down around my face and shoulders.

"Stupid hair." I muttered making a mental note to get Lily to cut it.

"I do love your hair though!" the voice said and I realized I had spoken out loud.

"What?" looking up I realized I was speaking to Tobias Zabini, the Slytherin boy from the train. I had seen him in classes, he never paid much attention to me and vies versa. He sort of scared me and put me in awe at the same time, he was brilliantly smart and handsome.

"Oh hi."

"Oh hi!" he mocked, "I was just wanted to ask if you had those potion notes from Tuesday, I can't seem to find them."

"Tuesday are you sure?" I asked, a smile playing on my lips.

He smiled back, showing a row of perfect white teeth, "Oh definitely."

"Because I think on Tuesday we don't have potions."

"Oh woops my mistake, that would be why I don't have those notes." His voice was sweet and had a hint of a French accent.

"Properly."

"Jen what on earth are you doing!" Lily screeched as she came down the stairs FINALLY!

'I was just talking to her, Evens." Tobias said silkily.

"Well don't!" Lily's voice was raised, her hand placed in her left pants pocket where she kept her wand.

"Its okay Lily, Tobias was just leaving."

"Yes I was good bye for now Jenny!" I cringed at the nickname; it reminded me of something else, another name, Ernie? Fernie? Hermie?

"God Jen, why were you talking to him?"

Ignoring her, "Did Phillips have those books you wanted?"

"Yes but Jen, listen to me he is EVIL! His family is in league with Voldemort!" Lily turned on my almost bowling me over.

"He's nice Lily and I know that if some one is nice to you, you always be nice back."

"But he is EVIL!"

"No he is not!"

"Hello Ladies." James stalked up behind Lily wrapping his arms, Lily smiled she now had an allies against me.

"James tell Jenn that Tobias Zabini is evil."

James looked confused, "Zabini is evil, like uber evil. Only Bellatrix and Lucious are more evil then him."

"But he is Nice."

Remus spoke up and for the first time I had noticed he was standing there, "Look Jen just don't talk to him okay, now Lunch!"

I laughed at his way of changing subject, he always changed subject before an argument erupted.

"Yes, lunch." James placed both arms around Lily and I's shoulders.

"We will talk about this later Jennifer.' Lily scowled.

"Yes mother." I joked slipping slightly on the floor with my cane; I had to keep remembering to pay attention where I placed the cane, trying to up the end in the gaps between the stones on the floor.

"Where is Sirius?"

"Library with Peter, looking for some book." James pretended to faint stumbling back clutching his heart.

"Library! He has gone mad!"

Lily and I laughed loudly, getting some strange stares as younger students past us.

"Does he know where it is?"

"No, he had to ask for directions."

We entered the great hall, to the smells of fresh bread and meat.

Our group was waved over by Peter and Sirius, who had returned from his maiden voyage to the library.

"So how was the library?" Lily asked as Sirius went bright red.

"Okay, but don't spread it around okay."

"OH we won't, we promise." Lily and I chimed.

"Okay..."

Lily had decided not to let the idea of me and Tobias go (and maybe with good reason).

"Sirius can you please tell Jenn that Tobias is evil!"

"Stop calling him that!"

Sirius slammed his fist on the table, sending bread crumbs through the air.

"Jennifer!"

"What Twat?"

"What are you doing with him?" the vein in Sirius's neck pulsed.

"Well he wanted to borrow my Tuesday potion notes."

"We don't have potions on Tuesday." James chimed in.

"Really? No duh." I sent him a look, _what was there problem? Couldn't they see that to me Tobias was a good man?_

"Jennifer! What the hell were you thinking?" Sirius hissed anger apparent in his eyes.

"I was thinking that if I was going to survive here in this school as the "cripple" then I am going to have to be nice to people!"

"Not him, Jennifer, not him!" Sirius had got to his feet, his voice beginning to be raised. Lily and the others stared glances, wondering why all of a sudden Sirius Black actually cared for me.

"Get over your self, Black. You are not the boss of me!"

"Jennifer, for me please, don't. I've seen that world, the world he belongs too and it isn't pretty."

My nightmares flashed behind my eyes, all that blood, death, that eye of the snake, I had seen it to.

"So have I Sirius Black and I'm a grown woman who can make her own decisions!"

"Jenn-"but I cut him off, with my hand slapping his cheek, the sound echoed in the now quiet great hall. I turned briskly, holding my stick I left, limping as I tried to put my bag on my shoulder.

The moment I got threw the door way I collapsed, my body defeated as well as my mind.

"you okay?" And there stood the source of the entire argument, Tobias Zabini.

"Yep, I just love stone floors." Sarcasm dripped out of my mouth. He lent a hand and pulled my up, while balancing on his shoulder, he picked up my bag and walking stick.

"Thanks."

"So that was interesting."

"You could say that."

"They don't like you very much."

"Nope, though I think Black does more then the others."

"Why"

"Because he likes you, and I like you."

"You like me?" My only answer was his lips on mine; his hands pulled my closer, winding around my waist. I let him kiss me, I kissed him back.

In the back of my mind there was dancing going on, this was my first kiss! (At least the first kiss I could remember)

Then the kissing stopped, Tobias was pulled away from me, and a fist replaced my lips.

Sirius's fist.

"OH MY GOD!" I screamed, falling to be besides Tobias.

"Stay away from her Zabini."

"No you Arse! You stay the hell away form me!" I screamed back, my sleeve wiping away the blood on his lip and nose.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

"god, we did not know what was going on one minute Sirius hated Jennifer then the next minute he was punching the guy she was snogging."

Harry raised his eyebrow, "Hermione was _snogging_ someone?"

"Oh definitely! And Sirius did not like it, one bit!" Remus laughed, at the memory, his wrinkled face shone with the memory.

"But a Death-Eater? Hermione snogged a Death-Eater?"

"Tobias wasn't a Death-eater at this point, he was confused and he saw something in Jennifer and I think Sirius saw it too."

"What did they see?"

"Reality? Hope? I'm not sure but I know it was good, what they saw."

"Did you see it?"

"Every day!"

"So what happened after Sirius punched Zabini?" Ron asked.

"Well Jennifer didn't talk to him for ages…"

* * *

"No Lily I will not talk to him!"

"Come on Jen! All he did was punch Zabini in the face."

"Oh my god! I am so not talking to you!"

"Good night Dear!"

"Good night Loser!" I chimed back. I couldn't be angry at Lily she was cute and sweet even when she hated the guy I kind of liked.

I pulled the duvet over my head feeling the stuffy heat warm my body. I knew that if I tried to sleep the dreams would come, all those dreams with the blood and death and horrible things but if I went downstairs where Sirius would be there and I did not feel like getting in an argument at the moment.

So I chose sleep, which was a bad idea.

"Jennifer! Wake up!" lily yelled as I woke my shoulders shaking.

"What's going on?" Alice whispered from her bed.

"She was screaming." Lily whispered. My eyes fluttered open, sweat rolling of me, my white shirt soaked through. My long hair was messier then normal.

"Lily! What the hell?" I pulled myself up onto my elbows.

"You were screaming! What was your dream about?"

"I don't remember. Nothing probably."

"You scared for a minute." Lily pulled me to her chest.

"I'm okay, Lils, I'm fine!" I shook my head to get rid of the dreams I did remember, oh how I remembered them oh so clearly. At this point I had seen almost everything ugly that had happened in my life and it didn't get better. This particular dream showed me men in masked torturing people in a camp site.

"God, Jen don't do that to me again, you scared me." Lily laughed in off, getting off my bed she shuffled back to her bed.

"Hey Lily can you in morning cut my hair?"

Lily laughed, "What?"

"Cut it, please?"

"Ok"

"Thank you, sweetie."

I stayed awake the rest of the night, I listened to my roommates breathing, Lily snored, Alice was quiet and once again my other room mate was out late.

I made a plan that night, I was going to go to Dumbledore demand him to find my parents, find out something about me and then I was going to find Sirius and demand an apology for hitting Tobias because I can not stand another night awake in my dormitory.

At six O'clock I snuck out of the tower, I had potions in two hours and breakfast started at half past. I bustled through the empty corridors, it was cold that morning I remember that well, I pulled my school uniform tighter around me as I came up to the door of Dumbledore's office. I stared at the gargoyle.

"Crap! A password, um Fiddler Frogs? Little Bow Peep!"

_Lemon Drops!_ A voice had screamed in my head. I was confused at this voice but I took its advice, I muttered Lemon Drops and the gargoyle awoke showing me a large stone stairwell.

_Thanks subconscious _I muttered as ran two by two up the stairs.

Once I was at the door, I stopped to take a deep breathe, if I went behind that door, all hope could be lost, I could never have a family but one the other hand a small part of me, oh a very small naive part of me thought maybe just maybe I could have a family some where and Dumbledore had found in the last few weeks and has been waiting to tell me.

Closing my eyes I pushed open the door, in my past i had been into this office hundreds of times, though only once alone but in my present I had only been here once just before I started school and once again I was not alone, Remus had come with me.

The room was crowded full of old books and junk that looked dangerous, I walked around its circular perimeter stopping every so often to pick up strange but safe looking objects, fob watchers, old potion bottles, dinosaur eggs and a beanie baby.

"Miss French?" a voice asked form behind me scaring me. I drew my wand quickly holding it to the neck of the speaker.

"Oh sorry Professor!" I withdrew my wand putting it back in my pocket.

"Quiet all right dear, know what was it you where after this early on a Friday morning?"

"I need to know if you have any leads on my life." I looked down at my feet, every time I thought about my 'life' I felt ashamed and I got this feeling in the pit of my stomach like I should be doing something more then just studying potions and squabbling with Sirius, like I was meant to be doing something purposeful and of course I had forgotten.

"Please sit down my dear." He walked over to his chair gesturing for me to take a seat.

"Just tell me please." My voice broke.

"There is nothing, Miss French, I have searched missing persons all around the world, there is no one missing that fits you."

"No one?" My heart sank and for the first time it set in that I was completely alone, "In the entire world?"

"I searched the Wizardry and Muggle database in every country in the world, Australia, Thailand, America, Scotland, name a country I searched there, I'm so sorry my dear but its as if you never excited until you showed up on our shore." He truly did look sincere however his sincere apology did not make me feel any better, but being the brave strong girl I was back then I held my head up high and smiled.

"Its okay Sir, I thought as much I mean it's been so long now, I'm okay with being alone now."

"Child there is no need to be brave here; I can understand your pain."

"No offence Sir but I highly doubt that." On that note I left his office, running down the stairs and the corridor, my school bag knocking my left leg as I ran, my long hair whipping my cheeks and clinging to the now fresh tears that rolled down my face, I had been so brave with the Headmaster but the moment I ran out that door the tears began to fall.

I stopped for a second to check my watch, I still had an hour and an half before class, though the idea of class did not comfort me like school work usually did. It put a lump in my throat the size of a mango.

I resumed running, heading towards the common room, most students would be at breakfast now so I could make a run for my room with out being spotted. I muttered the password to the fat lady and made a mad dash to the girl dormitory stairs.

"Jennifer?" A voice called behind me, "Wait up!" Sirius appeared next to me, he wore as minimal amount of school uniform as he could with out being reprimanded for it, he wore jeans and a white shirt with his tie hanging loosely around it under his normal school robes. If I hadn't been so distracted at that moment I would have found him rather sexy.

"Not in the mood right now Sirius." I croaked out between hyperventilating sobs.

"What the hell happened to you? Jen?" He pulled me close and for a moment I fought his, punching his chest, heart-renching sobs broke through my lips as I pounded his chest, he let me punch him and he then pulled me close holding me as my violent moment subsided and my sobs quieted down. He flattened me hair and muttered calming words.

After a moment I pulled away wiping my tears with the cuff on my sweater, "I got your shirt all wet."

"Aw, don't worry about. What's going on? Was it Tobias?"

"No, it's not Tobias! God I can't even tell you." I turned to run up the stairs away from him and his probing questions.

"What can't you tell me?" He held on tight to my wrist, almost cutting off the circulation.

"It's not important." I could feel a fresh wave of tears forming in my eyes.

"You come crying onto my shoulder and it's not important?!"

""I can't tell you, you would understand!"

"Try me!"

"No!"

"Jennifer! Please tell me what is going on inside your head!"

"I lied to you! To everyone!"  
That shut Sirius up, he let go of my wrist and backed away from me, "What do you mean you lied to us?"

"Can we sit down please?" I went to sit by the fire on the floor, I pulled my legs under me and faced the fire, I knew at that moment I had to come clean to someone and Sirius was the person to do it, I had told him everything already except the truth about me, so I guess at that point I hadn't told him much at all. He sat across from me, his head turned towards me while I stared at the fire.

"I lied about traveling the world; I've never seen the world, nothing bar Hogwarts and the train station. And I don't have parents or a family, or at least I don't think I so and neither does the Head Master, I have no one on this entire planet. I woke up here just before school started with a limp and no memory of who I was and where I came from. I lied to Remus about my name, its not Jennifer Abigail French, and I'm not from Manchester originally, I have no idea about either of them."

Sirius stared at me his eyes never leaving my face, "Why are you telling me this now?"

"Because I always had hoped you know, hoped that one day I will find my parents and we will live happily ever after and all that shit."

"Why have you lost hope? Why now?"

"Dumbledore searched every where for me, for my parents but all over the world there is no body missing that fits me! I'm not missing, I don't even exist! Do you know what it feels like to not exist, to be no one?"

Sirius pulled me close, "You are someone, you're my friend, and you exist, who needs a family when you have me?" He was trying to make me laugh to make me smile,

And it worked just for a moment I laughed so hard, Sirius was truly a sweet boy so kind and caring even if he was someone who had punched the boy I liked in the face after I had snogged him.

"Yeah, coz your so awesome!" I mockingly pushed him aside.

"Oh I am!" he pulled me close and I rested my face on his shoulder staring at the fire.

"We good?"

"Just don't punch anyone!"

"Deal."

"Deal."


End file.
